"Showing Self Control" (John 13:1-5, 1 Peter 2:21-25)

Introduction

When we think about unity, or the church working together as one, there would be ways in which this could easily be disrupted. One of these would be any lack of self-control! For there to be unity of purpose and a sense of oneness, each of us needs to bring under God’s control those areas of our lives that would otherwise tend to rub up against other people.

We clearly appreciate diversity and different backgrounds and personality types. Yet sometimes different ways of going about things, or a particular emphasis on a certain thing, can cause at least some mild friction. A loss of oneness … through a lack of self-control … can simply be a very bad look! We want to make sure that out light is bright and clear, not dull and diffused. We want to make sure that our hope is resounding, not debatable.

Self-control doesn’t come easily. Even when we have been redeemed by the blood of the Lamb, it doesn’t come overnight. This is why we need the Holy Spirit to be streaming through our life – as self-control is part of the fruit of the Holy Spirit. Self-control is produced as we give ourselves over to the possibility of change; the new tree we are becoming producing much better fruit than the old tree from before.

Self-control is listed last in the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). There might be a reason for this! Love, joy and peace; patience, kindness and generosity; faithfulness and gentleness … these are all easily imagined. Yet, without self-control, are any of these really possible?! Dan Reiland writes: “Love [at the head of the list] may be the engine that pulls the locomotive, but self-control is what keeps it on the tracks”.

What does self-control mean, and how can we show it? 

Perhaps we would often answer ‘controlling anger’, and NOT striking back, but I reckon, to be successful in this, there needs to be some other groundwork done here (especially in the way that we think).

Under Pressure

Self-control is at it hardest, when we are put under considerable pressure. This pressure may come from tiredness, external challenges, relationship issues, personal opposition, ill-health, or any particular pressing difficulty. This is when we tend to draw back, raise our defences, push people away, and think in isolation. A lack of self-control, at the very least, can lead to indulging in gossip, or speaking hurtful words; and, at the very worst, can lead to unspeakable violence.

We shouldn’t just be reactive, seeking to show self-control whenever we are put under pressure. As I just said, there is often much groundwork to be done, so that self-control, in combination with the other eight fruit, becomes a natural output of our lives. As always, if we want to see how life should work, we go to the ultimate example – Jesus. Self-control may actually be about simply doing what is good and what is right … following in the way of Jesus!

The Ultimate Example

At the beginning of John chapter 13, we see Jesus under the pressure of impending betrayal. This is the passage where Jesus washes his disciples’ feet – but I just wanted to highlight … the peace and confidence through which Jesus dealt with his situation. There was serious opposition being launched against Jesus, and it was to be one of his friends, Judas, who would strike him a very painful blow. Jesus had invested generously in Judas, as he had in all the others, giving Judas such love and attention, and giving his life purpose.

But Judas still had significant vulnerabilities (around the issues of money and power it would seem). Judas could just NOT get to that line of complete surrender to Jesus, and thus became ripe for the picking. Judas was recruited for the other team. If that happened to you (like it happened to Jesus), how would feel – I know how I would feel! How would you react? At the very least your equilibrium would likely be upset, and your focus shifted. But not Jesus! 

Jesus was already facing a cruel and unjust death, let alone one of his friends aiding and abetting this. Yet we read that Jesus DIDN’T divert one millimetre from his ministry – NOT the slightest diversion from expressing love to others … those he considered, in a truly Godlike way, as his “own” – Jesus would “love them to the end” (v 1b). In the face of all that was ahead, Jesus took of his coat, put on an apron, poured water into a basin, and began to wash and dry his disciples’ feet (vs 4-5). Culturally, this was one of the most menial tasks, normally delegated to the lowliest of (Gentile) slaves. But NOT this day! Jesus didn’t hesitate – even against the shock and protests that he would do this.

And, we can assume that Jesus tenderly washed and dried Judas’ feet as well, as he moved around the group. This was NOT in any last minute attempt to change Judas’ mind, for it seems that the die was cast. This was simply out of compassion for Judas, and regret … that things had come to this. Despite everything thrown at Jesus – from verbal insults to physical torture; from misunderstanding to criticism; from rejection to slander – nothing diverted Jesus, and thus we see the perfect example of self-control.

Jesus’ life was all about doing God’s will, establishing the Kingdom of God, and seeing the lost and broken redeemed to their Loving Creator. Personal offence would NOT divert him! For Jesus, there is no anxiety about his status or identity or place in the world – he does not have to prove anything to anybody (Ken Manley). Jesus is simply being who he was called to be. We see all this expressed in 1^st Peter chapter 2. Jesus has set us the example of how to deal with suffering – despite his perfection and his perfect ministry of love to the world, he endured much suffering.

Yet, when he was abused, he did NOT abuse back … nor did he threaten retribution. We know that from the cross, Jesus even forgave those who put him there (just like he washed Judas’ feet). Jesus actually died to try to stop this very human pattern of vengeance. His hope was that we would now be able to trust God … that he would right the wrongs around us. Jesus also had the hope that because our wounds were healed through his mercy, we might stop wounding each other.

How Do We Show Self Control?

Sometimes through a change in our thinking about life. 

Self-control means:

1. Knowing that we are highly valued by God, accepted through grace, and that we ultimately belong to God.
2. Being settled in our inner spirit, knowing who we are in Christ, and who we are becoming through the Holy Spirit; being confident in the path we are travelling, and the goals we are pursuing.
3. Never acting as if there is no God, i.e. overdoing it … trying to do everything, including what God is already doing.
4. Getting enough rest from our labours, which includes sleep, exercise, recreation, fun, prayer, worship.

5. Accepting that the primary way of expressing our love for God is through loving our neighbour.
6. Understanding that there is a bigger picture and a greater good, and that we are an interconnected part of something much bigger than just ourselves. This means that we sometimes need to get beyond our personal agendas, preferences and ambitions, to embrace community decision-making which seeks the common good (both inside and beyond our own tribe).
7. Fully factoring in the opinions and needs of others, giving them at least an equal footing to our own opinions and needs.
8. Not giving ourselves over to laxity or excess – putting our own health at risk; or putting others’ safety at risk e.g. speeding, mobile phone use in car.

9. Seeking only what we need, and what God wants us to have; and NOT those things that do or should belong to others. This means to consciously reject jealousy, envy and greed.
10. Thinking ‘encouragement’ first – what will build up another person, or give more courage to the community of faith. This would also include allowing others to express themselves and their gifts, and be encouraged in doing so.
11. Treating all people with respect – no overpowering, no manipulation, no seeking favour.
12. Working toward reconciliation, rather than allowing relationships to slip away.

13. Choosing words carefully and wisely, having first fully listened to, or tried to understand, another person. Proverbs 12:18 reads: “Rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing”; and, 21:23 reads: “To watch over mouth and tongue is to keep out of trouble”.

CASE IN POINT: A terrible scene on our news last week. A man charged after random act of violence given bail. I agree he shouldn’t have gotten bail (on the basis of him being a real danger to society). We feel aggrieved … we feel for the victim. How do we talk about this? We can utter an opinion. But, do we join in with the maddening throng? Or, rather respond soberly? Otherwise we will simply feed into and spread defensiveness, fear, acrimony and antagonism – negative community vibes.

14. Not allowing pressure, criticism, setbacks and difficulties to unduly disrupt or compromise how we react to others. Proverbs 19:11 reads: “Those with good sense are slow to anger, and it is their glory to overlook an offense”.
15. Sticking to our word and our commitments, even when these become more difficult. There are probably softer options, but are these going to lead to God’s best for you?!
16. Simply do what is good and right … following Jesus.

Conclusion

Even Jesus, in his incarnated humanness, could NOT handle all this alone. We read how Jesus handled his stress (in 1 Peter 2:23b): “[Jesus] entrusted himself to the One who judges justly”. God knows all and sees all – God has a perfect view. Jesus here gives us an example of our need to depend on God (and trust in God for everything). We are not only being saved, but God has a vital interest in how we are progressing. This reminds us again of our need of the Holy Spirit, if we are to develop self-control anywhere near the level we require. It’s always been about our partnership with God – we do our part (make ourselves available), and God does God’s part (transforming us into the image of Jesus) – all so that we can truly bless others.

God knows us well … perfectly well! God knows our motivations and the purity of our heart. Even when others doubt us or criticise us, God can vindicate us, if not in this world, certainly in the bigger picture of His eternal Kingdom. We are on the right journey, we have the truth of God’s grace and God’s Word in our lives. And, in this process of being saved (refer verse 25), we are returning to our “shepherd and guardian”, in whom we find our security and sense of well-being. God knows us, and has our back. This is the place to dwell … with our “shepherd and guardian” … if we are to fully experience the fruit of self-control. Amen.